People ask if I’m getting excited about the big move; the truth is I’m scared, petrified in fact.  And because of that I’m doing the worst thing possible and hiding from it.

I’m as head in the sand as anyone could be in Central London where there’s little sand to be seen.  I’m very proactive in my hiding, I must admit; I am doing the ultimate project planner thing of looking busy and actually not really achieving much.  I have spreadsheets, I have a pdf of my June goodbye plans, I have this blog, and I have even started Googling yachts for sale (yes, getting way ahead of myself!) – what I have not done is actually booked a course or found somewhere to live.  I’ve told myself there’s heaps of time, but there isn’t.  My departure is imminent and I need to get my act together.

So, the point of this blog is to ask for you to push me – next time you see me or chat to me and I’m talking about Gormenghast or Suits or reading trashy magazines in the park, please ask whether I’ve booked a SRC (VHF), first aid, sea survival course or committed to a sailing school.  Please ask if I’ve sourced my ML5 medical certificate.  Please ask if I’ve been to decathlon and purchased boat shoes and sailing gloves.  Please ask if I’ve actually booked the flights for the cats and found somewhere pet friendly to live.  Because I would bet I haven’t.

Why am I scared?  I’m scared that I am going to fail at this and have to return, tail between my legs and start all over again, again.  I’ve found myself broke before due to situations out of my control, but I had a great job at the time and was able to just put my head down, eat boiled eggs and give up all luxuries (I still only get my hair cut annually at supercuts) until I got back in the black.  There are certain aspects which can’t go that far wrong – the timezone is the same, so I know I can keep in touch with my friends and won’t be lonely, plus I’ve got Max and Ru of course.  I have established a fixed budget I am prepared to burn through in terms of rent, courses and living costs without compromising my savings.  I’m not burning bridges in London, so I hope I can come back to a City job if it all goes horribly wrong, and I’m taking my CDS material with me when I leave so I’ll be able to read up and refresh myself if I find banking related detail has been relegated by all the sailing info I’m going to have to immerse myself in.

But it is going to be hard, it has been three years since I last sailed, so I am going to be on the backfoot compared to the people I am thrown in with, and I found some of the Day Skipper coursework difficult the first time round (some of you were with me in Val Thorens when I was trying to get to grips with tides…) so I am expecting to struggle sometimes at getting up to speed.  For this reason I am hoping to do as much coursework as possible online so I can take as much time as I need to get comfortable before the practicals.  And then there’s the fact that I’ve never spent more than seven hours aboard a boat.  Without going too far into too much information territory, non land based facilities are going to be an immense challenge for me mentally.

I know I have to pull myself together, I’m already at the point of no going back, there’s still enough time for a little bit more hiding before I start to compromise my own plan, but only just.

I’m scared.  Does that make me weak?