We have all encountered terrible pub/bar loo facilities (Drunken Monkey in Shoreditch, Londoners?!) but a couple of drinks and you don’t really notice these things, especially when they dim the lights right down….  However, a certain standard of facilities is something us Westerners have grown to expect, and for the most part – festivals aside – you can visit a healthy one at least once a day.

Not so here.

A few weeks ago I was sailing with strangers, as I tend to do now, and was asked by a lady on her first day – whilst standing in the best marina facilities I’ve come across to date – in a stage whisper, if others were “better than these”.  Her face dropped when I said these were the best we would see that week.  Three days on, if there was a seat and loo roll she was happy – light, a lock, and a dry floor were an added bonus.   Such is the joy of many marina facilities in the Canaries, if they exist at all.

Facilities here are usually the equivalent of the dodgy one your gran used to have off the back of the kitchen.  Possibly actually partly outdoors.  Probably creepycrawly ridden.  Likely to have a light on a 10 second timer – just out of reach from the seat (if there is one and it’s still attached).  And if you have loo roll it’s because you brought it with you – on the walk down from your boat, clutching the facilities key, probably with a large bell attached as a keyring, just to let everyone you pass along the crew pontoon know exactly where you’re going….

They don’t tend to do portaloos, which is definitely a good thing, because a plastic cubicle in 35 degrees is not somewhere you want to be; this week we got to a marina which purported to have portacabins, only to discover – after seven hours of beating into wind round the coast – these were being renovated and in lieu (pun intended) there were portaloos.  And no showers.

Showers wise, we have fun: functioning shower heads are almost extinct here, again locks are very rare, ankle deep water is probably guaranteed; and if you are very lucky you may encounter a marina operating what we’ve christened “shower hour”, this means, for instance, woman can use the facilities in even hours and men can use them in odd hours.  Be prepared to be disappointed upon arrival in the marina two minutes after your hour concluded….  But you can shower on the boat!  I hear you cry, ah yes, of course, until your boat doesn’t have a functioning water pump…..  Then showers become a team effort; we hardwired the pump and installed a knocking communication system between the person in the shower and someone operating the electrical switches.

It is interesting how quickly one adjusts.  Also how handy that festival training is coming in, transitional skills etc.  Just need to find a use for all that credit derivatives knowledge rattling around now!  Credit Event banter with your skippered charter, anyone?