No toilet paper in the heads please….. sounds simple. No?

We are asked what is the worst moment we have had at sea, if we have been caught in storms, what do we fear the most, etc. To which every skipper answers in her/his own way, depending on each one’s story and experience.

In these conversations most of us tend to forget about the heads (for the non-sailors amongst you, these are the toilets), however, if these are blocked we all remember that this is one of our greatest nightmares.

When new people come aboard we need to orient them to living on a boat; we take them through using the gas, safety procedures, which way it is most suitable to lie to sleep in their bunk (yes, sometimes you need to specify this), and how to use the heads.

Once we have explained how the heads work, always, invariably, we say “and please no toilet paper down the heads!” or “only whatever comes out of your body should go down the heads!”, or whichever colourful way we think of saying this. The message is simple: no toilet paper or similar down the loo. We always get a “yes, no problem!” in response. I tend to add that if it gets blocked it is a very messy job, and it will be extremely horrible for me to unblock it; sometimes I wonder if I should threaten them that they would have to unblock it themselves….

Anyhow, every now and again we get the occasion when someone sheepishly comes to tell us something is wrong with the heads. By now we do not even go and see what is wrong, we just grab the tools and get ready for this very messy and horrible job; something has blocked the heads. (I must say, without going into gory details as I wish to spare the readers of any imagery that may come to mind, one time it was not toilet paper, but just the result of someone who had indulged a little – understatement – bit too much in food).

Unblocking the heads is indeed a nightmare. If you are at sea you also need to negotiate the waves, and make sure that you keep your balance while you are unscrewing the pump.

A good skipper has the wellbeing of his/her crew in mind, hence you cannot have anyone worrying that the heads may be out of order until you get to shore. The job needs to be done immediately. This is also the same reason why, even with experienced sailors on board, it is the skipper’s job to handle this mess, you wouldn’t want any of your crew go through the agony of….. you can imagine what.

As a pair we both tend to share this horrible job on our boats; Gareth dismantles and unblocks, Anna cleans after the work is done. Fair enough, burden shared. The joys of boating we remind each other. Social media generally shows the glamorous parts of our passion, sailing. But as with every passion there is some hardship, and blocked heads fall in the list of things any skipper hates to deal with.

Please, please, please do not believe the myth that one little square of toilet paper will not block the heads. IT DOES, not immediately, but IT WILL. It just settles at the bottom of the holding tank until it becomes a solid and hard mass, like papier-mâché, blocks the holding tank…. and makes an even messier job.

So remember no toilet paper in the heads please…. it is very simple.

Ah, then there is peeing sitting down when at sea (applicable for men), but this is another story.

~ Gareth and Anna Maria