Author: maddieisoutoftheoffice

Last week was a rather big step in this adventure; it was the culmination of all the official courses to get my Cruising Instructor qualification, and get the qualification I did! 

I certainly won’t go so far as to say with flying colours, there was definitely room for improvement.  That’s one of the things we all love about sailing, you’re constantly learning and improving, sharing and discovering new things, and I don’t believe that changes however qualified the RYA or a similar body say you are. 

The course itself was unlike any of the others I’ve done to date; whilst the Yachtmaster Offshore exam week was stressful and tiring to say the least, this was a new challenge again.  Unlike the Yachtmaster where you’re examined at the end of the week, with time to prepare and ask questions beforehand, this was a constant week of assessment, whilst being taught and demonstrating new skills at the same time, also acting both as novices for fellow examinees, and providing peer feedback on the same.  I took notes for everyone on the course on the constructive criticism we received; my after the fact minute-taking skills from my past life in the City still come in handy!

I think we all learned a lot and felt that it was an exceptionally worthwhile thing to have done even if we didn’t walk away with the full qualification at the end of it.  I know I have stuff to work on, those areas I anticipated I was weak in before and had practiced before the course, plus aspects I hadn’t expected to be tested on, entirely fluffed, and had to pull myself together to ensure I didn’t entirely throw in the towel too soon.  There was also a written exam for which I’d revised entirely the wrong thing, also daily presentations which proved just how nerve inducing it is to stand at the front of a classroom with nothing but a whiteboard and a marker pen; dare I admit I prefer presenting on conference calls where no-one can see your knees knocking?

The yacht was based at a marina in Lanzarote, which I used to consider my favourite Canary Island; I think I have been somewhat swayed by my year in Tenerife, not least due to its proximity to La Gomera and ease of flights back to the UK.  Lanzarote is more expensive for day-to-day necessities and meals out, also feels a lot more remote, it is certainly less expat – I can’t decide whether that’s a good or bad thing.  Getting there and back was my first experience with prop planes; another rather unexpected aspect of this adventure and lifestyle is that it has helped with my trust issues.  I am not sure if I’m quite up for a rollercoaster just yet, but I might go out flying with a friend in his four seater plane without crying.  Chair lifts may have to wait a while.

So, since I first sailed in 2009, it has taken 16 sailing weeks on seven different yachts, with nine instructors/examiners, and I’ve got my Yachtmaster Offshore, commercial endorsement and Cruising Instructor qualification.  I just need to work on speaking slower, demonstrating MOB (man overboard) under sail, certain finer details of the passage of a depression, ….. the list continues.

I am ever so proud of what I have achieved to date out here, eternally thankful to those who have supported me, and excited to see what the next chapter throws my way.

I find myself at an airport, one of several in the next couple of weeks, I’m not quite as much of a travel bunny as some of my friends, but I’m off to Gatwick now, back to TFS, TFN to Arrecifie, then Fuerteventura, Las Palmas and TFS.  With numerous taxis, a yacht and a ferry somewhere in between.  By which time I hope to have a Cruising Instructor licence to sit alongside my Yachtmaster Offshore.

I don’t mind airports, the anticipation of being somewhere different in just a matter of hours offsets all the queues and stupid people you inevitably encounter: not airport staff, they generally understand what’s going on, it’s the clientele – people leaving London, for instance, who still don’t understand which side of the escalator is for standing.  And, of course, it’s totally acceptable to have airport wine no matter the time of day (unless you have to drive imminently) (or sail).  Transfers on long haul can also be fun, you’re in a weird limbo and it could be any time of day or night – usually a bit of both if you’re traversing time zones – so it’s a bit like being stuck in Ikea, but with bars.  Alcohol bars, not window bars, although they may as well, you’re not going anywhere!

There’s also the fact that so many people are thrown and trapped together in one place, with rules, which some obey to the letter and others breach frivolously.  I am somewhere on the fence.  I check in online before I arrive and accept the middle seat if that’s where the algorithm lands me, I don’t break the carry-on restriction, and I take my shoes off before going through the scanner.  And only once have I taken my own booze to drink on a plane*.

I don’t believe in getting to the airport three hours before a flight and I don’t trust them when they say that the flight is boarding, that clearly just means it’s time to go to the gate, via WHSmiths and Boots.  Because there’s always stuff to purchase at the airport.  Especially if you’re expat, there’s a certain need for more painkillers, antihistamine, suncream, and the ubiquitous trashy magazines which are four times the price abroad, plus Pellegrino and snacks for the plane…..

Of course there are too many people, lots of whom are there far too early and just milling around in the way.  Sometimes I overhear people on the inter terminal shuttle at Gatwick at 6am discussing the next four hours they’re going to spend at the airport; and I want to ask why they aren’t still in bed.  Surely there’s no need to require more than one glass of airport wine, and once you’ve done WHSmiths and Boots – and perhaps Accessorize for flipflops or pyjamas – there’s nothing left to do…..

Perhaps have a second glass of airport wine before you trot to the gate at a pace slightly quicker than a fast walk?

This could be why I have, possibly more than once, been on the receiving end of a name-and-shame final call.  But not today; today I have not been distracted, I’m obeying the gate instructions and I’m officially off to Gatwick. 

See you on the other side!

~~~~~

*This was after the mugging incident and I’d researched the in-flight wine prices for my particular airline, and discovered I didn’t have enough cash (and no bank cards) with which to purchase a glass of wine onboard, so I spent my last euros and cents on a vino at the airport and smuggled it on in my handbag.  However, disaster, Portuguese mini bottles have a cork, not a screwtop!  I couldn’t even drink my smuggled on wine.  The disappointment was spotted by the lady sat next to me, and she kept me in wine for the flight back to London.  This actually reminds me of the blog I posted previously; I wonder if she ever thinks of me, the lost soul she comforted on a flight back from Faro after the August bank holiday in 2014. 

Thank you, lady, I promise I’ll pass it on one day.

Without jinxing myself, I like to think I’ve either been lucky over the years or I’ve managed to avoid the more dubious parts of the world.

Until last year I’d never been burgled – there was an attempt on my parents’ place when I was a newborn, but my mother scared the eejit back out the window by screaming like a banshee, the maternal protection instinct was strong in her – and I’ve only been mugged once.  Caveat: My house at uni was burgled, whilst my housemate was in the bath, but they only grabbed a couple of items and none of mine; so although this partially counts, it feels more of an anecdote than an actual burglary.  We had to tell the police she was in the bath!

That said, after the burglaries last August I did feel slightly nervous about being home alone, not that there was much left to steal….  And the police made it clear that there’s a strict line when it comes to penalties if a wannabe burglar puts a single lady at risk; therefore they will run away if you make noise.  If all my crime/thriller reading has taught me anything, it is to expect that you might go mute with fear – but any noise is enough, so I’ll be going straight for the pots and pans.  Also I’ve moved somewhere with very effective shutters, so when I’m away the place is nice and safe – less so when I’m here as I like to let the lady cats have their freedom, but I’m never more than ten feet from said pots and pans. 

The mugging, three years ago now, was quite a weird experience; I didn’t follow the rules because I went after him, I know you’re supposed to just let your possessions go, but again instinct kicked in and I wanted to protect my stuff.  I didn’t catch him, damned heels, and when I stopped running I cried a lot.  And the next night, in a hotel in Portugal on my own, I admit I was scared.  Without reason; why would I be more at risk in that hotel than any of the many, many nights I’ve spent in hotels on my own before?  Perhaps it was the fact I felt slightly violated, or because I was already on borrowed money and had no phone, so was mentally more alone than otherwise.

Overall though, since being here, safety isn’t something which has really worried me.  Burglaries aside.  There isn’t obvious poverty, there aren’t beggars on the streets, I don’t feel nervous to wear my rings when I walk home late at night.  And almost everyone I’ve met has been kind and wants to make this a real community.  If I have been burgled, or lost a cat, I was immediately inundated with offers of help, it’s a strange feeling given that I am used to – and have grown comfortable with – the London way of being anonymous and leaving each to their own, but here you’re adopted and absorbed. 

And, dare I say, it makes you feel safe.

Whether the weather be fine
Or whether the weather be not,
Whether the weather be cold
Or whether the weather be hot,
We’ll weather the weather
Whatever the weather,
Whether we like it or not.

~~~ (Anonymous British poet)

A favourite British failsafe topic of conversation is to eternally discuss the weather, and that doesn’t change once you leave Blighty.  It also doesn’t change once you actually know what weather patterns mean, can read a forecast or understand clouds. 

So, our weather in Tenerife South and variations on:

– Hot and cloudless.  This is the reason people come to the Canaries, it is regularly glorious, and since we are so close to the equator it is a dry heat which feels several degrees warmer than it actually is.  One must be careful not to burn though, especially out at sea.  Funnily enough, on these kind of days when on land I actually find myself hiding inside along with all the other “locals”, complaining that it’s too hot to get anything done.  We’re never happy.

– Hot and windy.  This also doesn’t necessarily make us jump with joy; this weather means I get about 200m up the road and have to turn back on a run.  Windy here means VERY windy; windy such that you’re running on the spot.  This is why it’s an excellent place for sailing, but you also have to execute any activities before 10am, as on a windy day by 11am in the Golf Del Sur the wind is whistling down the coast.  For instance you can’t even consider making a phonecall outside, towel pegs are essential, newspapers are a no go, and if your sail isn’t correctly tethered it will work itself free and make a bit of a statement in the marina.

– Windy and cloudy.  When this happens everyone complains that we might as well be back in the UK. 

– Storms.  Every couple of months we get hit by a storm, I guess that’s sitting on the cusp of the Atlantic.  I’ve heard it rains up to 30 days a year, I’m sure it is less, but the amount of rain we get on those days definitely makes up for it.  Nothing here is prepared for torrential rain; windows and doors can’t hold up to it, no one owns appropriate shoes or brollies; you’re basically housebound, sacrificing towels to the cause.  As stated the other day, “It never rains here, but when it does, everything leaks!”

At least we don’t run out of weather related conversation, otherwise where would we be?

​We’ve had a few listy ones lately, so I thought maybe an update on Maddie was on the cards.  I’ll keep it brief.

I’ve moved!  The old place was somewhere I was fixed up with – blind date style – before I flew out here, and whilst the marina location was spot on, and the view was pretty awesome, the terrace didn’t get enough late afternoon sun, there were two rooms I barely ever used, and my neighbour since mid December has snored so badly that I’ve ended up on the sofa five nights a week……  New place is small but gorgeous, remains to be seen whether a three room apartment is sufficient for one almost grownup and two cats.

The cats!  Ruby has settled, and Izzy is a changed girl.  My wild cat has decided being pampered is a good thing – she disappeared for 24hrs a few weeks ago and returned quite literally with her tail between her legs and apologised for making a terrible decision.  They only like the food from Waitrose – obviously – so it’s an 8km round trip to top up the feeder, but I’m halfway to being a crazy cat lady so that’s okay, I think…..

Work!  Not yet.  I’m hoping to be a fully fledged Cruising Instructor in May, so if you’re planning an impromptu visit get those flights booked asap!  There is no guarantee of work, so I’m trying to eke my savings out as long as I can – fortunately this isn’t London, I estimate I’m spending 1/5th of what I’d be spending if I was still in the City – so if any of you are planning on taking a year off to experiment with a new life, take location seriously! 

Attire!  Wow, it’s amazing, I can’t imagine wearing tights or heels on a day to day basis.  I rock short shorts and double denim most days, and I was eying up a denim waistcoat in the Chinese shop earlier today.  And a denim cap – with diamanté.  And it literally just occurred to me that I actually bought a denim backpack.  I could quintuple denim.  Do New Look sell denim pumps?  Send immediately, size six wide.  My feet look shocking – that’s covering at least 8km most days in sweaty weather – but I still manage to keep my nails polished, caveat: I try.

Weather!  Most of the time it’s fantastic, mid twenties and being outside is addictive – as someone who spent ten years in the City, part of the generation who check Google when someone tells them it’s hot/hailing/snowing outside.  But then on occasion we get STORMS, and they are almighty.  Everything trips, doors and windows flood, freezers defrost, and because you aren’t equipped for this you can’t even leave the house….  I believe we have rain here less than 30 days a year, the rest of the time it’s a happy sunblessed place – and I have a pretty good tan, just in case you wondered. 

Food and wine!  Plentiful and gap year prices.  Vegetables aside, but how many more of your five a day do you need if you bask in wine?  As a pretend grownup, who spent a decade drinking City inflated wine, or hiding in a Wetherspoons, I find the cava prices insane, and there’s very little processed food – mmmmm, fresh tuna…. so I think it’s a reasonably healthy lifestyle choice, unless you get sucked into happy hour – one downside of island life: there’s no kebab shop! 

Adiós por ahora.

​We are always amused by the questions that friends’ children come up with, but it doesn’t necessarily stop once you are a so-called grown up; so I’m setting free some of the many questions in my head.  Less Star Wars and dinosaur related, more actual honest to truth life quandaries.

– Should I tape over the camera on my laptop?
– Why do we hate the sound of our own voice?
– Does everyone have a better side?
– How do you avoid touching strangers when you’re trapped in the middle seat?
– After how long is it appropriate to wake people up to go to the airplane loo?
– Are we supposed to check the life jacket is actually under our seat?
– Is it bad for my ear or neck to sleep on earrings?
– How do you deal with a snoring neighbour?
– If everything else is portion size, why isn’t cheese or saussison?
– How long should you be able to keep a poinsettia alive?
– How do you prevent candles from burning down the middle and leaving the edges?
– Why does my new washing machine have a three hour cycle and no one hour alternative?
– Is it cringey to check the amount of currency the bank gives you when they’ve just done a song and dance of counting it in front of you?
– Is it a better use of time to apply shower gel whilst one’s conditioner is in, versus the conventional shower gel, shampoo, conditioner routine?
– Why am I 30lbs heavier than everyone else I know who is also 5’6″ and a size ten?
– Are you judged by strangers if you don’t shave your legs?
– Are scrambled eggs worth the effort of cleaning the pan and spoon/whisk afterwards?
– If you pour water in your wine does that count towards the eight glasses a day?
– Does everyone have the fear and hide from their phone the morning after the night before?
– Do crunches really work?
– Is it actually appropriate to go to the pub in gymkit?  Do people care more than I think?
– How much of a fruit/veg counts as part of your five a day?
– Are the carbs in apples offset by the peptides?
– Why is a portion 11 nachos?
– Why are fried eggs better if you break the yolk?  Is this compatible with my food ocd in other areas?
– Why does my wild cat eat the wall filling?  Should I report her to the counsellors on My Strange Addiction?
– Why don’t they have the last episode of the previous series available on boxsets?
– Why does no one on Catfish think to Google their spouse?
– Is everyone slightly scared of Google?
– If you wake up at 2am and play Candy Crush until it’s time to get up for work, where do you seek help?
– If I can’t see people in the marina bar opposite my apartment, does that mean they can’t see me when I walk around my apartment undressed?
– Do other people start their favourite jigsaws at the bottom and work up?
– How do other people avoid getting chair marks on their thighs when they wear short shorts?
– When I piss off my cat should I worry that she might scratch my eyes out in the night?

Answers on a postcard!

​A year ago today I – tearfully – handed a typed and signed resignation notice to my boss, at my lovely, safe, fun, well paid City job, and kicked off the three and a half month process to flying out to the Canaries.  This also means in two weeks I will have been here nine months, which is a long time and yet also feels like I’ve blinked and everything’s different.

So, what’s changed?  I’ve changed, certainly.  In one way I’m a lot more reclusive, I live with two cats and can easily spend 48hrs talking to no-one else; one of the comments I’ve had about this decision was that it was a surprise that I would/could do this and enjoy my choice, enjoy being so far from friends and family; in the City I had friends at work, old colleagues, school friends, neighbours – all at hand for a glass (who are we kidding!) of wine and a chat – but out here it’s just me.

On the other hand, one massive and fun aspect of sailing is that a lot of people come to it solo, but it’s rarely – and only for the very brave – a lone endeavour.  You have to work together, which means you have to open yourself up to new people, to becoming a team with people you’d probably never bump into let alone choose to strike up a conversation with, even if you were that sort of person to start with.  Personally, I’ve only been able to start talking to someone new when there’s already something in common; small talk is beyond me, but if someone comes over and says “Wow, wasn’t that Credit Event quite something?” then ice broken and we’re off.  I can talk about Credit Events for a long time.  Sailing is like that.  Sailing stories can get cliché after a while (sorry, I hope that comment doesn’t get my Yachtmaster revoked) but once you get talking you can move onto the stuff which builds friendships.

My life has also changed a lot.  I used to be much more concerned with stuff; I’ve hankered for a Hermes handbag for years and I had a problem with expensive sunglasses.  Now I use canvas bags most of the time – my free Glastonbury bag is extremely well worn – and most of my expensive sunglasses have fallen overboard, so unless I’m certain of being land based I wear the ones from the market.  Genuine designer, of course.

Otherwise, I sleep more (except when on passage!), I run more – I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t take the opportunity to be one of those “kept women” types who do nothing but exercise and “lunch”, even though I’m self funded.  I eat out more, so even though I run more I also weigh two pounds more, but I am sure that’ll change once I actually start working!

And that’s it, the cliffhanger, I’m hoping to start working in May; then the next chapter truly begins.  I’m excited to see what happens!

This is a bit of a listy one, the expat situation versus my old London life and how they par financially.

My rent here is €675 inc bills (and I pay a premium for sea view!) compared to £2,400 plus bills back in London, this is a HUGE difference and means that life out here is a lot more flexible when it comes to committing to the nine to five, 46 weeks a year….   With this in mind, and from those perhaps looking to kick the office life to the kerb, but want to check their sums first, I’ve been asked to surmise what other costs are like; therefore here is a (somewhat bizarre = my life) selection of things I spend money on, and how they compare to back in London.

Expat wins:
– Rent and house prices, although there’s a fixed 10% charge for purchasing which is why I’m still renting at the moment.
– Utility bills are included in my rent, but I asked the letting agent; it’s €108 community fees (bins, gardeners and pools), €10 for water, €40 for electric.  I easily spent £250 a month in the UK, and was pretty frugal with heating.
– Food bills are €75 a week vs. accidentally and easily £25 a day if you don’t pay attention in London.  It is actually really difficult to spend money in the supermarket here, even if you pack a trolley full!  (Unless you go near green vegetables, see later)
– Cava/prosecco in the supermarket is €4 a bottle vs. £9 in London unless you catch a discount, when you may be lucky to find £7.  And if you drink the basic cava here it’s less than €2 a bottle.
– Water is €0.64 for 5 litres or €0.86 for 8 litres.  I don’t think anyone in London ever buys this much water as it is more expensive than wine.
– House wine out and about you’ll find €2.50 a glass is average (€1.80 in happy hour), or €3.90 somewhere a bit pricey vs. £5 minimum, or somewhere scarily around £9 in the City for a large glass.
– Pub food is generally between €5.50 and €8, which is still possible in rural England, but definitely not in London.
– Tips are received gratefully and usually less than 10% if at all, they certainly aren’t added to your bill ie expected.

UK wins:
– Fruit and veg are surprisingly expensive in Tenerife supermarkets, a bag of lemons is twice the UK price and a single broccoli is upward of €2.  Green beans rarely exist.  I understand locals shop at veg markets, unfortunately I don’t as yet have a car to facilitate roaming.
– Fresh fish is €9 for a large fillet in the supermarket, you’d spend half this in London.  Again I assume there are fish markets…  I call this a double win for the UK, the ease of being able to buy everything in one store. 
– Cocktails are usually over €5, I’ve certainly not seen them less, whereas they are £4.50 in happy hour at Dirty Martini!
– Gyms are €50 for a ten time pass or €35 a month, of course you can pay significantly more than this in London if you want to, but you can also get a monthly membership for less than £30.
– Commuting via public transport is not really a thing here, the bus will cost somewhere between €1.75 and €3, often to go the same journey, which is a lot for a slow and hourly service.  That said taxis are only €1 a minute and it takes about 25mins to get anywhere.
– Cat litter I put as a UK win because I could get litter delivered by Amazon, which does not work here as the Spanish parcel service is a disaster!  Therefore you have to buy it at the supermarket and it’s of course more expensive than online; I pay about €7 a month for basic litter here whereas used to pay £14 for two months to get posh stuff delivered to my door.
– GP appointments are not free, but I think are quite reasonable; as a “local” I pay €15 an appointment and a couple of EUR for prescriptions, so whilst more than London they’re a lot easier to get hold of!
– UK branded items (shampoo, Fairy, Bold [I appear to be allergic to Spanish soap], Twinings) are all twice the price here, which is to be expected, but kind of sad when they have the GBP price stamped on them…

Overall, I’m making it work.  I just have to go back to the UK occasionally, buy shampoo and eat loads of green beans!

​Inspired by the This Girl Can movement, I love that girls are no longer supposed to fit in boxes.

– I like to have perfectly painted nails.
– I carry out engine checks.
– I love a large glass of wine.
– I try to run 6km every day.
– I have no cheese consumption limit.
– I limit carbs to 50g a day.  (Excluding wine)
– I used to wear high heels 365 days a year.
– I packed zero high heels when I left the UK.
– I used to do presentations in front of super senior City folk.
– I am actually really shy.
– I have been complemented on my elocution.
– I can’t get the parking automatons to understand my number plate because of my lisp.  (Ah, teenage braces)
– I sound like I’m from the home counties.
– I love cider and pork scratchings.
– I have been to some extortionate wine tastings.
– I happily drink a house white wine.
– I know people comfortable in a swish London private club with fabric on the walls.
– I am most at home in an old man’s pub; somewhere you can get a pickled egg in your crisps.
– I love to wear all of the eye makeup.
– I am most comfortable without a bra.  (Hello, salopettes)
– I appreciate the benefits of an intimate waxing regime.
– I can go two years without a haircut.
– I used to occasionally carry off a ballgown.
– I have a figure which best rocks Daisy Dukes.
– I rock a bikini and welly boots at Glastonbury.
– I do not like mud.
– I went to Val Thorens.
– I did my sailing coursework, went to the gym and partook in apres ski in Val Thorens. 
– I have been to some of the most extravagant Caribbean resorts.
– I love a happy hour.
– I read Russian literature.
– I binge on UK women’s weeklies.
– I have only entered one non-competitive running event.
– I won a non-competitive colour run. 
– I am a Yachtmaster.
– I am scared of water.
– I love my family.
– I am intimidated by my parents.
– I have a designer sunglasses habit.
– I buy clothes from New Look and cut them to my style.
– I have never had a Jaeger Bomb.
– I would like four shots of tequila; extra salt.

I know I can achieve anything I am determined to.